Full-Time Executive/Personal Assistant Needed: $20/hour
- $20/hour plus overtime
- Health insurance (including dental and vision)
- Expenses including some food
- Phone (or you can use your phone and I’ll pay the bills)
- New laptop
- Generous raises
List of Possible/Probable Duties:
- Deal with all my crap.
- Try to answer as many of my emails as possible, leaving the ones you can’t answer in my inbox. This will take time for you to get good at. Siphoning off my emails (I get a hundreds a day) is probably job #1
- Text and return texts.
- Get me doughnuts. This is a very regular duty, multiple times a day ;).
- Take and pickup my dry cleaning.
- Wash my exotic cars.
- Light painting.
- Weeding thistles at my ranch. This is probably the roughest job you’ll ever have to do. You could also weed the thistles by telling me that you’ve found me someone to weed thistles.
- Work with my office staff. I have about 30 employees who work in a very casual office in Boulder who always need help.
- Get me lunch twice a day.
- Do basic envelope stuffing, stamping, and mailing at the office.
- Travel with me (or even ahead of me) and set up everything for the talks I give. Pass stuff out during my presentation. I do this about six times a year and only go to places I want to travel to (U.S. and Canada).
What I’m Not Looking For:
- A drunk or drug addict.
- A prostitute. This is a legitimate position, not one of those “arrangements.”
- Someone who wants a part-time job.
- Someone who wants a temporary job.
- Someone who is averse to travel, although we’ll mostly stay in Boulder and surrounding areas.
- Someone who refuses to take my calls after 5:01 PM. If I call you in the evening, it’s important, so answer your phone.
Skills/Attributes That Would Help You Land This Job:
- A willingness to learn.
- Someone who lives near Boulder or Lyons, Colorado. My offices are in North Boulder.
- Someone who has no life. OK, that was too harsh. How about someone who has few attachments/entanglements. I can’t have your significant other texting you every five minutes. Every 15 would be fine I guess.
- Driving skills. Ability to drive a sports car or a full-size pickup truck, or be willing to learn to.
- Physical fitness. Some of what we do is very light but physical work.
- Ability to hit a tennis ball. This is not a requirement, but it would be nice if you could be my tennis ball machine every now and then. I’d buy a real tennis ball machine but they need to be dragged to and from the courts.
- A nice smile. Not for me (you can be your grouchy self around me) but for events that we attend.
- Feet that are comfortable in dress shoes, sneakers, and work boots. Nothing ever very formal but also nothing involving sewage.
- An interest in learning more about running a business. I run numerous businesses and they are all very different. You’ll learn a lot.
- Basic computer skills and maybe a working knowledge of Microsoft Office. If you can turn a CSV file into mailing labels it would be awesome, but I would consider that above and beyond what I’d expect. I’d be satisfied if you could get a printer to work around here.
- Someone who can work in an office environment with my other staffers as well as outside.
What Else I Can Offer:
- Dumb jokes all day long. No, you don’t have to laugh at them. I laugh at my own jokes. I’m my favorite comedian.
- Time off whenever you need it. If you need a vacation, time to go to your sister’s wedding, a three-day aroma therapy class… I’ll work around your schedule.
More About Me:
- 53 years old.
- Two grown sons, one works for me and one works with me. The fact that both my sons and I get along is my life’s greatest achievement.
- I have many interests and adding new ones all the time: tennis, boxing (boxing, not watching boxing on TV), dirt bikes, guns (No, I won’t make you clean guns if you aren’t into it), hot yoga (I can almost touch my toes), lifting weights, antiques, coin collecting, auctions, pool, and the big one: work. I love to work more than anything. If you offered me a choice: to attend the Super Bowl with Kim Kardashian or to help you turn over your garden… I’d be firing up the tractor (I have four farm tractors, BTW).
- My older son and I are building out a ranch in Allenspark, CO (about 40 minutes away). It is the top of mountain and beautiful south-facing valley in the middle of national forest. We’re building all the structures to look as if it were a mining community from the 1800s. We’ll work up there every now and then.
- I’m a capitalist. Not the crony capitalism we have going on now in this country where our government gives our money to their friends without our permission. Don’t get me started.
- I’m a gun rights activist but not a hunter. I’m a gun rights activist because I’m anti tyranny. Don’t get me started
- I don’t own an alarm clock, but will buy one once I fill this position.
- I never scream or yell at anyone.
- I founded InterNACHI, the first trade association (in andy industry) to wrap around the globe. We are now in 65 countries, nine languages, and have a 285,000-page website.
- I run a heavy equipment company.
- I restore very old tractors and other old stuff that you and everyone else refers to as scrap.
- I buy and sell real estate.
- I author books (sold more than 2 million). I’ll confess, my staff does all the work: research, editing, graphics, etc. Then they put my name on them. I barely read them. Sssshhhh.
- I’m a licensed mold assessor, licensed general contractor, licensed septic system installer (new systems only, none of that yucky stuff).
Want the Job?
- If you have read down this page, got to this point, and are still interested… it means you’re nuts. I am, too. So contact me. Don’t call me as I don’t yet have a personal assistant to answer the phone. Email me at email@example.com to set-up an interview.